Just Be Youself-Inspiration Quotes

I'm a big fan of great quotes. It's reassuring to know that someone, somewhere, had just the right thing to say to make you feel a little bit better inside. The right quote can make you feel just a little less alone. Sometimes, I feel that's all most of us really need...to feel less alone.

Below you will find some of my favorite quotes about being who you are and accepting others as they are. It's a simple concept, but the world seems to struggle greatly with it.

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The more one judges, the less one loves.~ Honore de Balzac

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.  ~E.E. Cummings

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.  ~Raymond Hull

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.  ~E.E. Cummings

Never be bullied into silence.  Never allow yourself to be made a victim.  Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.  ~Harvey Fierstein

At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time.  ~Friedrich Nietzsche

The reward for conformity was that everyone liked you except yourself.  ~Rita Mae Brown, Venus Envy

Nature made us individuals, as she did the flowers and the pebbles; but we are afraid to be peculiar, and so our society resembles a bag of marbles, or a string of mold candles.  Why should we all dress after the same fashion?  The frost never paints my windows twice alike.  ~Lydia Maria Child

Just because something is tradition doesn't make it right.  ~Anthony J. D'Angelo

If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.  ~Anatole France

The most damaging phrase in the language is:  "It's always been done that way."  ~Grace Hopper

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.  ~George Bernard Shaw

Never do anything against conscience even if the state demands it.  ~Albert Einstein

'Tis curious that we only believe as deeply as we live.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.  ~Anaïs Nin

Charlie Chaplin:The Great Dictator

I believe this speech to be the most inspirational message I've ever heard. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. Below you will find the written audio to this video if you are unable to listen for any reason.

I'm sorry but I don't want to be an Emperor, that's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another, human beings are like that. We all want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone.

The way of life can be free and beautiful. But we have lost the way.

Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate;
has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.

We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in:
machinery that gives abundance has left us in want.
Our knowledge has made us cynical,
our cleverness hard and unkind.
We think too much and feel too little:
More than machinery we need humanity;
More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness.
Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. 

The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me I say "Do not despair".  The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress: the hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people, will return to the people and so long as men die [now] liberty will never perish. . .

Soldiers: don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you, who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel, who drill you, diet you, treat you as cattle, as cannon fodder. Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines. You are not cattle. You are men. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don't hate, only the unloved hate. Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers: don't fight for slavery, fight for liberty.

In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written: "The kingdom of God is within man"

Not one man, nor a group of men, but in all men; in you, the people. 

You the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy let's use that power, let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie. They do not fulfil their promise, they never will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfil that promise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness. 

Soldiers! In the name of democracy, let us all unite!

 

Becoming a Family

Becoming the second mother in a family is beyond complicated. This is not even a task that one can prepare for. To put it bluntly, I was scared shitless. Here I was, a lesbian bartender from Ohio in her early 20's with family roots more dysfunctional than words can describe. Sure, I grew up around tons of nieces and nephews, but was this qualification enough to take on this parental role?? I spent countless hours at Barnes and Nobles reading parenting books. I feared every worst case scenario. What if I completely mess this kid up and he resents both Theresa and I for the rest of his life? What if we connect and everything is going great and Theresa falls out of love with me? You name it, I worried about it. I mean, who wouldn't? This is a BIG step. To be honest, it was one I thought I would never encounter. Having been gay my whole life, mothering a child was never something I gave a whole lot of thought to. I didn't want Theresa to know how freaked out I was about this whole concept. I wanted her to understand that I would never leave her and Keanu due to complicated circumstances. Her world was a pretty chaotic one. She worked full time, had a 5 year old and very little help balancing her days. Keanu spent a lot of time in kid care because it was her only option. I was worried that if she knew how afraid I was of EVERYTHING that she would stress out about the possibility of me leaving. Luckily, I had sisters that were just a phone call away for those days when the anxiety levels spiked. I would call about proper punishment methods, appropriate ways to talk about religious questions, but most of the time I would call just for the reassurance that I was doing just fine.

I took it very slow with Keanu. I had little interest in winning him over quickly. I knew I was in it for the long haul. So when he 'hated' me for implementing the 2 minute timer for teeth brushing, I wasn't overly emotional about it. I wasn't trying to be his friend. I was trying to formulate a bit of consistency. Over time, that consistency proved to be exactly how I won him over. One thing that Keanu and I definitely have in common is that we like schedules. We might not love what's on the schedule, but we like knowing the what's and when's of our days. It gives our anxiety driven minds a feeling of control in at least a few departments.

It's been over 4 years now and I can honestly say that I'm very happy with the way that our little family is turning out. Theresa and I make a great team as parents because we talk about literally, everything. Keanu is a very well rounded young man. Don't get me wrong, he has his moments, like any young boy does. Just as Theresa and I have our moments as parents. There's a great deal of love in our home. Enough to make each imperfect moment easily forgivable. I think that's really what good family dynamic is all about. I've learned that there's no 'right' or 'wrong' way to raise a child. You just have to do the best you can with what you have. Love and consistency will almost always overcome any truly trying moments.

You Might Be A Lesbian...

Sexuality can be a complex subject. Some people go through their entire life feeling one thing, but acting out another. Many reasons contribute to this way of living…denial, fear, confusion and flat out ignorance to name a few. Numerous people will tell you that you're not actually gay unless you 'choose' to act on your same-sex curiosities. This statement, however, isn't complete. First of all, you don't get to hold the lesbian card just because you had one crazy fling with your BFF. Acting on sexual fantasies does NOT determine a persons sexuality. Yes, it's a good indicator, but that's all it is. Below, you will find some statements that may help you to clear up any lingering confusion you may have about your own sexuality…

If you imagine your best friend, Nancy, every time you kiss your boyfriend…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If you get nauseous anytime someone uses the word 'penis'…You Might Be A Lesbian
If the thought of being intimate with a man makes you break out in hives…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If you know how to change the oil in your own car and enjoy doing it…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If you answer 'Ellen Degeneres' to the question, "Who is your hero?"…You Might Be A Lesbian

If you hide in your room with the door locked to watch lifetime movies like, "The Truth About Jane"…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If you google the question, "How do you know if you're a Lesbian?"…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If you were sober during your 'drunken make out session' with Susan…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If you find yourself trying to guess the sexuality of every single female you encounter…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If you routinely convince yourself that all women fantasize about about being intimate with other women on a regular basis…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If you want to see every movie that features some form of lesbian content…whether it be a kiss, a conversation, or a 'drunken make out session'…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If you get weirdly jealous of every single person that your best female friend hangs out with…You Might Be A Lesbian (and in love with your BFF) 

If you really connected with the character, Darlene from Roseanne…You Might Be A Lesbian

If you put pictures of beautiful woman on your walls and cite the reason as, 'I appreciate all beauty', or 'I just love art'…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If at school, you start rumors about yourself being the easiest girl in the world to impregnate and take it even further by telling people that your mom got pregnant with you while she was on birth control and your dad used a condom (obvious goal being to ensure that no man wants to chance sleeping with you for fear of becoming your 'baby daddy')…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If a picture of Shane, from The L Word is your computers desktop background…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If you wear men's cologne and/or deodorant…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If when you step foot in a Baptist Church, the members migrate towards you like bugs to a light in order to help you save your soul…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If you wear a hat more than 4 days a week…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If you own multiple ties for those special 'dress up occasions'…You Might Be A Lesbian

If you own any of t.A.T.u.'s  c.d.'s…You Might Be A Lesbian

If your top you tube video suggestions include 'Madonna and Britney Kiss' or 'Black Swan Trailer'…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If you're uncomfortable changing in locker rooms because you worry that someone might think that you're checking them out if you look at anything other than the tile floor or inside of your locker…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If you regularly buy flowers for your girlfriends, 'just because'…You Might Be A Lesbian

If you feel a need to follow up all compliments you give to women with the sentence, 'Not in a lesbian way, or anything'…You Might Be A Lesbian 

If you read through all of these statements and 80% of them applied to you…You Might Be Are A Lesbian

Now, this isn't a full proof system to determine whether or not you are in fact a lesbian. These are just a handful of good indicators that you might want to weigh upon reflection of ones own sexuality. Coming to the realization that you're gay is not always a simple conclusion to reach. For most of us, denial prevents the truth from surfacing to even ourselves, for years. It is very important that you understand, you cannot choose what gender you will be drawn to. You cannot help it if you're not physically attracted to people of the opposite sex. You can't simply 'choose' your sexuality. All you can choose is whether to embrace it or deny it and hide it. If you're feeling depressed, afraid or alone please utilize the power of technology and reach out for support. No one should go down this road all by themselves.

The Beginning of 'Us' - How Theresa and I first met

Although our official anniversary is in June of '07, Theresa stumbled her way into my heart nearly 5 years ago.

Now when I say 'stumbled', I mean that in a very literal way. We had mutual friends that bumped into each other in downtown St. Pete one night. Theresa joined in with our group for a crazy evening of bar hopping. We walked to some local places and then stacked 7 lesbians into a taxi cab for our last bar venture of the evening. I've never seen a happier cab driver. Unfortunately, Theresa's memory of this evening is rather fuzzy. Mine, however, is not. I think it was 10 minutes after meeting her that she pulled out her phone to show me a picture of her adorable son, Keanu. He was barely 5 at the time. My initial response was "Wow, a five year old…bet that makes dating tough". I remember thinking, "Man, that's too bad. A beautiful 23 year old single lesbian with a 5 year old son. It doesn't get much more complicated than that." I still put my number in her phone after I looked at the picture though. You know, just in case she ever needed someone to talk to.

She didn't call me the next day…or the next week.

She later said that she was too embarrassed to call after having met me in such a drunken state of mind. We both agree now that as far as timing goes, everything played out perfectly. Had we started dating then, we probably wouldn't be where we are now. At that time, both Theresa and I were enjoying the freedom of the single life. We had both been through a rough previous relationship and dating anyone on a serious level was the last thing on either of our minds. After the wild bar hopping night I didn't really see Theresa too often. At the time, I was bartending at a couple of places in St. Pete, so we would bump into each other from time to time and exchange hugs and smiles. She didn't go out that often because she worked at a salon during the day and had Keanu in the evenings. A couple of weekends a month her parents would ask to keep Keanu and that's when she would come out for a bit. At this point, it had been about 5 months since the night I had first met Theresa. It was a Saturday night and she came out with her (at the time) roommate for a drink at the bar I was working at. When it got close to closing time she asked me if I wanted to get coffee after my shift. I pointed out that I wouldn't be getting out of work until nearly 3am, but that I was up for it if she was. So, she drove her roommate home, came back and picked me up from work, we hit the 24 hour McDonalds drive through, and made our way to an awesome little nearby park. We sat there for hours talking about anything and everything. When the sun came up we decided to head back to Mcdonalds for some breakfast and another round of coffee. The worker that had taken our coffee order in the middle of the night was still there. From behind the counter she yelled out "Girls, you need to go home and SLEEP! What are you doing back here?!?" I wasn't even tired.

From that day forward, Theresa and I spent nearly every single day together. I was figuring out ways to cut down on my work schedule just to spend more time with her. I discovered that I could work 2-3 bartending shifts a week (about 18hrs total) and make enough for bills, food and fun money. So that's what I did.



June 18th, 2007 - The official beginning of 'Us'.

11 Inaccurate Stereotypes about Lesbians

All Lesbians…

1. HATE MEN - My best friend is a man. Coincidentally, my dad is also a man. I'm quite fond of men. Just because we don't want to sleep with you doesn't mean we hate you.
2. WANT TO BE MEN - Transgenders may desire a physical change in gender to match their emotional/psychological gender. This, however, is a different subject all together.
3. WERE MOLESTED AS CHILDREN - No legitimate scientific study has linked homosexuality to childhood sexual abuse…EVER.
4. WEAR FLANNELS - Okay, I do wear flannels. However, they aren't oversized ones that I tuck into a pair of baggy carpenter jeans and sport with brown work boots.
5. HAVE SHORT HAIR - Again, this one I am guilty of. The sad part is, I wanted my hair short so that men would stop presuming that I was a straight, single female that wanted them to grab my ass and grind on me anytime I went out to a dance club. And boys, for the record,  I'm willing to bet this tactic doesn't sit well with straight women either. Actually, I know a lot of lesbians who did the short hair cut just to keep men from sexually harassing them. It's not a full proof system, but it makes a guy think twice before making an ass out of himself.
6. PLAY SOFTBALL - Theresa actually asked me how many 'points' you get if you hit the ball over a fence when we went to watch one of my nephews baseball games.
7. DRINK BUD LITE - Sick.
8. TRY TO TURN ALL WOMEN INTO LESBIANS - This one always cracks me up. Having a fear that someone may 'turn' you gay just means that you're probably dealing with some confusion about your own sexuality and you're looking for an easy out.
9. KNOW OF EVERY OTHER LESBIAN IN THE WORLD - Random Person : "So, you're a lesbian?"    Me : "Yep"    Random Person : "Then you probably know this girl I graduated with. She was a big lesbian."    Me : "Amazing."
10. GROW UP TO BE GYM TEACHERS and/or COACHES - Believe it or not, we work EVERYWHERE. Sometimes we even wear disguises like long hair and eye makeup.
11. STARTED DATING WOMEN BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T FIND THE RIGHT GUY - If I'm straight and only search in the US, I have roughly 147 million men to work with. The lesbian population in the united states is about 2% of that number. Now, I'm not a genius when it comes to math, but it's quite clear to me that the odds aren't exactly working for you by 'deciding' to become a lesbian.

Just an Average Girl that Happens to be a Lesbian.

Normal-adj. Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.

I feel like a great deal of people have a warped idea of what today's 'typical' family really consists of. I can't really blame most of them for their ignorance. A lot of parents work very hard to shield anything that strays from their idea of normalcy. They silence the education of it in schools, home school their children to prevent knowledge from social exposure, fight to ban specific books from existing in libraries, the list goes on and on. Some children raised in what I like to call a 'bubble world' will continue to spend their entire adult life there as well. Then, repeat the cycle for their children. Others raised in this environment may grow up, discover the world for what is truly consists of and resent their parents for leading them to believe otherwise for their entire life.

Like Francis Bacon, I firmly believe that "Knowledge is Power". When you cover your eyes and ears to the things that you wish didn't exist they will still continue to exist. When you put forth an honest effort to understand the things you fear, the things you hate, you often find that you no longer need to cover your eyes and ears. The fact is, it's rarely the thing in which we think we fear or hate that we actually fear or hate. It is something within ourselves that needs the adjusting. The hardest task is in training ourselves to accept things as 'they' are, rather than as 'we' are. After years and years of training ones mind to discriminate first, and ask questions later we struggle with absorbing any new knowledge. Our minds discredit anything we don't already believe because it works on auto pilot. I encourage you, please...take control of your mind. Stop looking to 'popular belief', or your parents, or the bible. Yes, I said it...THE BIBLE. This is not to say that these influences are wrong, or right for that matter. How we interpret what we hear or read will make them so, and for most people this is where the problem lies. We have been uniquely designed to think for ourselves. This wasn't by accident. The How-To Manual for life doesn't exist because it's not necessary. Every human being knows right from wrong. We feel it. The tough part about 'feeling' right from wrong is being in tune with yourself enough to decipher your actual feelings from your brain telling you how you 'should' or 'shouldn't' feel. Once you are able to distinguish the difference, you will be forever transformed and instantly enlightened. When it comes to the subject of connection and love, those feelings still apply. I need not feel what you feel for another being in order to accept your behavior. You have been programmed just as I have to know for yourself.

Stereotyping exists in all of us. We're all guilty of committing some form of it on a regular basis. If I see a man in skimpy shorts dancing down the sidewalk with a rainbow tank top on, I'm going to think to myself, "I wish I could dance like a gay boy". Odds wise, the man was probably gay, and a lot of gay men are great dancers. BUT, this is not always the case. Stereotyping has been around for centuries. It's not anything new and it's not going away anytime soon. Unfortunately, most stereotypes cast result in a negative generalization of a specific group of people. Ignorance is NOT bliss. Many people depend on the common stereotype to rationalize how they feel about a specific group of people. In fact, generalized stereotyping has been the soul deciding factor for many laws created throughout history and even for laws being created today.

For this reason, along with with a few others, I've decided that it's time to shed some light on a very specific stereotype. One that I'm extremely familiar with, lesbians. The incredibly inaccurate stereotypes placed on this group of women have been a driving force behind countless acts of unnecessary discrimination. Yes, I am a lesbian. My sexuality, however, has very little to do with who I am as a person. I am a mother, a committed partner, a sister, a daughter, a Bland, a photographer, a writer...these are the words my family would use to describe me. You may not know me personally, but consider this an invitation. I would like to open a window to my world and those who share it with me. Perhaps this will aid as a connection source for some and an eye opener for others.