Becoming a Family

Becoming the second mother in a family is beyond complicated. This is not even a task that one can prepare for. To put it bluntly, I was scared shitless. Here I was, a lesbian bartender from Ohio in her early 20's with family roots more dysfunctional than words can describe. Sure, I grew up around tons of nieces and nephews, but was this qualification enough to take on this parental role?? I spent countless hours at Barnes and Nobles reading parenting books. I feared every worst case scenario. What if I completely mess this kid up and he resents both Theresa and I for the rest of his life? What if we connect and everything is going great and Theresa falls out of love with me? You name it, I worried about it. I mean, who wouldn't? This is a BIG step. To be honest, it was one I thought I would never encounter. Having been gay my whole life, mothering a child was never something I gave a whole lot of thought to. I didn't want Theresa to know how freaked out I was about this whole concept. I wanted her to understand that I would never leave her and Keanu due to complicated circumstances. Her world was a pretty chaotic one. She worked full time, had a 5 year old and very little help balancing her days. Keanu spent a lot of time in kid care because it was her only option. I was worried that if she knew how afraid I was of EVERYTHING that she would stress out about the possibility of me leaving. Luckily, I had sisters that were just a phone call away for those days when the anxiety levels spiked. I would call about proper punishment methods, appropriate ways to talk about religious questions, but most of the time I would call just for the reassurance that I was doing just fine.

I took it very slow with Keanu. I had little interest in winning him over quickly. I knew I was in it for the long haul. So when he 'hated' me for implementing the 2 minute timer for teeth brushing, I wasn't overly emotional about it. I wasn't trying to be his friend. I was trying to formulate a bit of consistency. Over time, that consistency proved to be exactly how I won him over. One thing that Keanu and I definitely have in common is that we like schedules. We might not love what's on the schedule, but we like knowing the what's and when's of our days. It gives our anxiety driven minds a feeling of control in at least a few departments.

It's been over 4 years now and I can honestly say that I'm very happy with the way that our little family is turning out. Theresa and I make a great team as parents because we talk about literally, everything. Keanu is a very well rounded young man. Don't get me wrong, he has his moments, like any young boy does. Just as Theresa and I have our moments as parents. There's a great deal of love in our home. Enough to make each imperfect moment easily forgivable. I think that's really what good family dynamic is all about. I've learned that there's no 'right' or 'wrong' way to raise a child. You just have to do the best you can with what you have. Love and consistency will almost always overcome any truly trying moments.